I want to rise and soar like the eagle, Lord i want to be used by you to glorify your good name, to be the glorious one so that others may see you. Lord, this is my purpose, my wish.. Get me out of human mind but of your mind Father. I want to be more and more like Jesus…

Lord, from this moment on, i offer my life to you. I give you my life, only you can command it.

As times i really wonder am i asking for too much? Or have i asked from the wrong person? It takes wisdom to know that we can never rely on human nor our efforts. As this year theme starts with restful increase, we should indeed rest knowing that He is good and always good. At times when things do not go your way, do not fret or fear, for the Lord is with you. Rest knowing that everything in His hands. Our God, the God of Abraham, Jacob, Isaac, Joseph is the same God. If he who is the Almighty one can deliver them all from the one who thinks he knows it all, who else can then be against us? As we take of our Holy Communion do see that victory has already been ours. It has and will always be. For one man offense comes forth death, for one man sacrifice comes victory that will deliver all. We rest our mind knowing there is no further needs to complicate any minds.

With this, i command my spirit and body to rest in Him as i watch supernatural happening in the natural world.

alot of people feel that they are blissful when they are out with their friends but to me, i am most blissful when i am with my family, even staying at home watching tv together, eating together.. it’s one of my most happiest moment. I love staying at home with my family.. in the pat, i used to go out till late to avoid my family, but now it’s the other way round. After the death of my mum, my family and i got closer, in fact so much closer.. i love my family and i am very happy just to have such a simple life.. just me and my family together, thank abba father for such a restoration! an indeed a great restoration that i do not deserve.

yesterday as i was at my stepfather bbq, i was amazed about 2 things… it was a bbq that my stepdad organised to celebrate my 21st b’day and his 5oth b’day. His best friend Philp, present a speech to my stepdad. before he began, he thanked me for showing him kindness that i showed one year plus ago.. He came over to my mum funeral and no one attended to him as my stepdad was busy with the whole thing and my half brother so i brought Philp around and paid for all his meal and ytd, he thanked me for it saying he will never forget the kindness and the hospitality that i showed him.. i was really touched. In fact i forgotten abt the whole incident and never did i expect, people do in fact remember your kindness!! do not belittle small things for they are the beginning of big things. I thank God that He is willing to use me for His glory. It’s my honour my king.

Another thing that i was amazed was that my stepdad invited his neighbours and friends to his bbq.At the bbq, i saw my stepdad carrying other pple kids and hugging them like his own and his neighbours and friends were hugging my half brother like their own!! they were kissing, hugging and playing with each other children exactly like their own! i have never seen such a unity and love in my life! It is indeed amazing!! i was so touched… it’s really wow…

Lord, it’s so amazing how your love spread, how such harmony and unity that you have shown me! I know you are preparing me for big things, thank you for using me… )

Thank you Father for putting new desire in my heart for you know my heart and my desires. What a precious daddy God we have! Knowing how much i wanna bring  joy, peace, laughter to the children of God.. I know the devil is trying to wipe out all new generations, that is the reason why my daddy God put new desire in my to open an orphanage cause i believe He foresee in the near future, many people who abandon their children or probably there will be children suffering as parents nowadays do not have time to care for their childrn due to their hectic work schedule..

As i was serving on Sunday, there ws this boy who kept creating trouble to the extent that the church told his single parent, his mother that if he does not behave again, he might be kicked out of the children service cause he is dangerous to the other children. This happens almost every Sunday whre a male teacher had to forcefully carry him ut of the room cause he tried to escape after being scolded for trying to punch the teachers or the children. As i was observing, i realised teachers, being human often forms a perception easily. When there is a fight between him and the other children, the teacher will automatically pull the boy out of the room and confront him instead of the other children. Perhaps in the teacher’s mind, she had already formed a bad perception of the boy.

After the children service, it was games time. I noticed that boy was lonely and alone. I was observing him as he hekped a group of children to pick up the balls and out of the sudden, many children started accusing him of taking the ball from them. Thank God a male teacher came and resolved the problem. He explained to the children that he was being helpful. As the goal post was slanted, he also went to help to make it straight. Then again, history repeated itself. The children saw what he did and accused him of spoilling the goal post which was already spoiled and he was amending it out of goodwill. Imagine being rejected and accused for something that you have not done and yet it was done out of goodwill. Then i saw him walking to the corner and stand there looking sorrowful.

As i was in charge of the crazy cups games, i smile at him and asked him to come and play, He looked at me delightfully and then he stopped. I told him, come and play, teacher challenged you! Then he came and played. At first the other kids were fearful of him, but because i say ok, now let’s challenged! see who is the fastest! and as i was playing with them, one of the children cups fell over and he  came over to help him to pick up the cups. In my heart, i always believed al kids are good children, kind hearted, and in fact, they are often the ones whose heart are after God. With their simple faith they have, can moved millio of mountain compared to us, being an adults having many doubts and fears. I believed the reason why the boy is able to play crazy cups with me is because i do not use my authority over him, i came to him as a child like him, a child of God. I know at times being a teacher yes we have to use our authority, but i also believed in dealing with boys like him, we cannot use our authority, we have to stood to his level, a child to reach out to him. Just like Jesus, he did not use his authority upon the little children, He said let them come to me and he starts hugging them. Often in my mind, there is always this image of Jesus where he was suuornded by many children sitting around his lap, hugging him, while Jesus tells them story.. It’s such a glorious image that in my heart, how i wished i am born during that time where i can have the honour to sit at His lap..

It’s such a wonderful image.. i remembered while i was serving, there is this gilr who is also one of the trouble maker. But what amzes me is whn i asked my girls to lift up their hands and worship the Lord, she is the only one who lift her hands up without me asking her to and i can see her faith in the Lord. I believe people like her who often gets rejected and bullied can feels God’s presence and His love for them. As she close her eyes and is so into the Lord, behind that closed eyes, i can feel her love and gratitute to the Lord. I believed at time when she was alone, being rejected, she knows she is not alone, she knows she can talk to Jesus and she knows Jesus is her best friend! This is what i want to build in my church ministry, in my future orphanage to bring God’s presence and love into these children’s life.

Jesus came to this world to die for us so that we can have life more abundantly! I believed it is the Lord’s heart for these children to be strong in the Lord. to know they are not alone and for them to be loved. It’s so amazing to experience such love from young so that these children will keep their chil like faith even when they grow up, even when they become old. To know that God loves them the same way as they were a little child. I want to build a new generation of such faith… I thank you Lord for putting such a desire in my heart, it’s such a honour to serve you.

her face ws so cold.. i tried giving her my body heat.. but she did not wake up… in my whole mind, i was like, “Lord, Lord, please heal hr.. please revive her..” my whole heart sank.. my heart felt so painful.. and to make matters worst, that day was my grandmother’s birthday.. my dad wouldnt allow us to tell anyone what happen.. throughout the whole dinner celebration, it’s so hard to put up a strong front.. it’s so hard to act as though nothing happens.. after dinner as i went home, i knew i couldnt stay home. no one talks about the whole incident.. i went out of house, i called Benjamin and i cried to him as i was at level 6 at the stairway.. he’s the only one i can call and turn to because every word that comes forth his mouth is like as though Jesus is talking to me..his words are so conforting,.. i do not know how to describe it.. i could feel Jesus through him..

afterwhich i went to Boat Quay, i sat by the river and cried… as i look up in the sky.. i know my mum is watching me.. and in my mind, i kept saying sorry to my mum.. sorry for everything that i have done as i reflect back on my life with my mum.. how she read bible stories to us every nite, and how she say those little prayers with us… It always goes like this, ” Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day that you have made.. thank you for mummy and daddy who loves us, thank you for guiding and protecting us from all harm.. And Lord, we commit to you our daddy’s salvation and we pray that it is your will for our daddy to be saved and go to Heaven with us.. We pray that you wil let us sleep peacefully tonight with your gurdian angels surrounding us.  Thank you Jesus for hearing our prayers. In Jesus name we pray, Amen”.. and mummy will sleep in our little nest till we fall asleep and she will go back to her room and sleep.. And if i’m awakw in the middle of the nite, i will shout “mummy” and she will come back into the room and accompany us till we sleep again.. although during that point of time there is only 3 of us, but we enjoyed each other presence..

I miss my mother’s cooking super and duper badly.. the last tme i ate it was when i was 0 years old.. And when i have a chance to eat it again when i was 17, but i destroyed that chance by coming home late and my mum threw away the food she cooked for me.. but i thank God for whatever that appen. He made all bad things against me turn good for me!

Right now, as i look back, i realised without the death of my mother, i will still be enslave to a life of misery.. Right now, i have a close family.. a family that i love and treasured.. a group of friends and sisters and brothers.. a group of colleagues that i love, and a special someone that the Lord has brought into my special life. thank you so much Lord…

And she told him she will give her daughter to him and the china girl because she doesnt want her daughter to grow up in a family knowing that her mother hates her father. She rather sacrifice her own interest for her child to grow in a complete family. Which mother is wiling to part with their child?

It’s so sad to know that in this society, many men often succumb to temptation thinking that their wife will never be able to find out or thinking that it is ok for them to give in once. But they never realise that the moment they give in to temptation, they are made a slave of that temptation and the moment you succumb to it, there will always be a 2nd, 3rd and more times of it. It is as though you are trapped and will neverbe able to pull out, and even if you manage to pull out, that condemnation will kill you and you will not be able to face your wife. it takes only one nite to ruin a lifetime of marriage..

I often tell myself, a man is worth forgiving if he knows he’s at fault and is willling to make amendments and treat his girlfriend/wife well but this does not apply to man who has fallen. My theory is that he has broken the convenant we first went into. once it’s broken, it is broken. Just like a contract, a clause stated in the contracts are when a term or condition is broken, that contract is deed to be repudiated, meaning, the contract is rendered to be void. There is no more contract and the other party no longer need to abide that contract. And it’s the same for me. Once you have broken that convenant that the Lord has given us as a gift, it means it is finished, the end. The convenant no longer exist, neither it is bidding.

Life is worth living when you have an open heart to forgive and forget easily. As harsh i may sound, i do forgive and forget easily.  It may be good or bad thing that  i forgive easily, forget easily, that is why my life is full of happiness and joy. I have never regretted myself to be like this..  I remember when i was young, my other always instill this thinking in me and i have my dad’s character in me, but thank God for my mother who has instill this principle, not by preaching but by setting herself as an example to me.. I thank God for a wonderful mother and family. Because of tis, I’m willing to accept people who is willing to change, willing to be teachable, although he is not perfect, but so long as he is willing to learn even when i know he will fail me again, but if he is teachable and willing to learn, i will welcome that person with open arms be it my family or friends or my loved ones. It is the same. Just like the parable of the lost son who came back, the Father welcome him back and even love him even more.. and that is when he knows that he was once dead but now he’s born again into his Father’s embrace.. And all this is because of LOVE.

Love from God will enable men to do the extraordinary, Love will make a men who is hard hearted to be soft hearted, love from God wiill make a man full of impatience to become a men full of patience, the same goes for wisdom and all sort of goodness awaiting for men. Therefore i do  not believe whenever people tell me, but i’m born like that, but i am like this, but i dun even treat my family good let alone you. No, love in you (which is from God) wil automatically change you that you didnt realise it when you start doing the extraordinary things without realising that change in you till you look back..

I’m unable to accept the fact that people are born like this because if you keep thinknig that you are like this, that shows that you are not wiling to change or become someone better.. Because if you do, you will proclaim and say i am not like this, my Father in Heaven had made me a man full of wisdom, favour and all goodness. And it’s up to me if  i want to receive such gifts/blesings from my Father who has sacrifice His son to give me all the goodness.

I believe everyone is teachable if his heart allows him to be…

Throughout the whole time, Meijie asled Apple to teach me how to do the media thing during the singing and the games part. My job is to click the powerpoint so that the children can see the lyrics and sing at the same time.. at first was very panicky as the lides i click does not tally with the singer. and at one time the singer said let’s sing the chorus! and when he look at the powerpoint, he was stunt and in the end he has to sing along with what i put on the screen. He literally went blankout. it was hilarious.. lolx..

You know it was such a big hnour when the children addressed me as teacher.. I was really very touched. i dunno why.. but it’s really an honour to serve the kingdom of God.. As i was telling a group of young boys to move in font, they were so rebellious, just then Caleb came and helped me.. I never knew a guy can love children so much, can get along with them so much.. i was really amazed.. I believed he can be a good father.. I have never seen anyone who has so much favour with the children.. I believed that is his amazing gift.

At the last part, i was playing Uno Stackor with a group of girls and when i have to leave for my de-brief and as i bid goodbye to the gilrs, they go huh… teacher dun go.. my heart just simply melt.. i told them i will play with them next next week.. They were so lovely.. thank you Father for giving me this honour..

back to my loved one’s blog.. somehow i didnt expect life was hard on her, i didnt expect that she’s not enjoying her life.. somehow i felt so bad that she has to face it alone.. probably i should take the time off and talk to her, maybe we can go for a spa or some shopping spree.. my heart ache so much..

She wrote that despite many years of marriage she felt like there is isn’t any marriage because of their different work schedule. One have to work night shift, the other one have to work normal routine shift. She felt that it is so hard to maintain this relationship. I pray Lord, i hand this relationship to you, that you renewed their love and they will love each other much more.

thank you Lord for all the wonderful things.